Top Gear Live

You may have heard that the Top Gear boys were back in town this weekend and then quickly wondered why? Reports of underwhelmed visitors to last years show meant one of two things would happen: The show would be cancelled or it would be hugely improved. Unfortunately neither has happened. First impressions of the show were quite impressive in fact. Walking to the show centre felt similar to the festival experience of a summer music festival with coarse fields, fast food trailers and a big wheel but also long tail backs in traffic. And there was no shortage of motor geeks included which led to an overall impression of a gathering of like minded enthusiasts ready for a day out. Despite the numerous stands, exotic cars and very impressive main building there was a sense that €59 (minimum ticket price) was slipping meekly through ones fingers. There were some interesting cars on display including the latest Peugeot RCZ, a collection of fine Jordan F1 cars and the only Alfa 8C in the country. There was also an outdoor track (car park with cones) where some race cars, such as Eoin Murray's Seat Leon EuroCup, got a run. Truth be told the live outdoor track show was a non-event with a huge bulk of time spent simply waiting for the next car to appear. The main draw though was the live show itself. The overall seating was impressive, as was the lighting and thunderous sound system. And when the the trio of presenters emerged there was a sense that something pretty cool was about to happen. And then it all began to unravel. Toilet humour, especially when scripted, especially when done in front of a live audience and especially when its so desperately unfunny as it was with these guys should just be left at the drawing board. For example; demonstrating that a pizza can used to protect ones genitals from a Bunsen burner. Then the trio began to find their rhythm and match it with the audiences'. Laughter and applause were in plentiful supply and the "cool wall" section went down a treat. The similarity of the experience with the actual t.v. series is to be complimented. The background visuals, in particular for a cartoon heroesque Stig, made a real impact. With such a small"stage" however; there would be little room for some really dazzling stunt driving and the audience were left with petite choreographed manoeuvres. As to what was actually shown during the show, here's a flavour: Electric vehicles "built" by the presenters, JCB versus man on motorbike & lady firing petrol at 2 cars which go on fire. On paper this all sounds dazzling but in live action it seemed muted. One shouldn't need to stifle a yawn whilst watching 4 "shuttle-cars" drive around a gyrating lady with whips as Dizzee Rascal's "Bonkers" blares in the background. The lasting experience from the festival, and it can be justifiably called a festival, is that the show's organisers were serious about immersing the crowd in an intoxicating motoring experience but ultimately one felt short changed and in the mood for flicking through the channels to see what else might be on instead.

Womens' Cars

I was given a verbal broadside last week whilst eating with some friends. Jennifer asked "why don't you write about women's cars?". Hmm, alright Jennifer, I will.

But is there even a woman's car? Is there a man's car? I think there's just cars and then from that point there are cars certain people like more than other cars. All cars are created unequal in the marketing room down at HQ. One thing the Geneva Marketing Exec. will point out is that women actually have a far bigger impact on car choice than most men will like to admit. Mr. Man may want a large coupe but Mrs. Woman may think a hatchback is easier for manoeuvrability around town. Likewise if Mrs Woman wants that funky Fiat 500 Mr. Man will want the super fast Abarth version and she'll say that's a waste of cash; as in "who cares about an engine anyway?" The result in this typical situation will be an argument followed by the purchase of a crummy four door saloon. "Why have just two doors when you can have four?!". Life is about more than value propositions. "Buy one get one free" doesn't mean you need to buy that "one" to begin with. I'm straying here, let's get back to woman's cars.

Now before the equality council rush at me let me just say that women look cool in pretty much any car on the planet. For example even in the flashest, gruntiest cabriolet on the market a woman will still look way cooler than a man ever can because the world will look at the creature behind the wheel and admire her ability to handle such a beast. If a man tries the same feat they just attract suspicions of impotency. At the same though I've driven with enough females by now that I have discovered some home truths (hang on feminists!):

Women like to see everything around the car. This has led to a surge in needlessly tall vehicles which have proven wildly popular with women, think Nissan Qashqai and Land Rover Freelander. Blind spots are out; therefore so are rear spoilers, estate cars, blocky window pillars and any vehicle longer than 8 feet.

Vanity will never get in the way of manoeuvrability. You can buy a woman a Ferrari Enzo for her birthday and she'll secretly hate you for not getting her a Mini instead. If it can't be parallel parked like a shopping trolley it's not worth owning.

Performance means nothing. 500 bhp? Pointless. Rear wheel drive? Don't even ask. Mid-engined? That means the boot is not where it's meant to be. I've never met a woman who wanted more power than is necessary to get up a steep hill in 1st gear. The associated fuel bill will add further disapproval.

When it comes to looks; less is more. To women alloy wheel are nothing more than components to keep tyres connected to the car. Aggressive front ends are simply that: aggressive, and unnecessarily so too. Colour, incredibly, will have a far bigger influence on a woman's desire for a car than any other component. Show a woman the same car in black and red and she will be adamant that they are different cars altogether.

Now through the process of elimination we can begin to see what a perfect woman's car might be like. It will be small, frugal, nimble and subtly attractive, maybe in red or white. Think Volvo C30; Audi TT or Fiat 500. At the same time though there are woman out there pining for a something stereotypically masculine-aggressive like a Lamborghini LP640 in stealth black. There is no "woman's" just like there is no "man's car but if you have all the money in the world to buy your loved one a car in January buy her the new Range Rover Evoque.

Due for release in the new year the Evoque is cute, tall, easy to manoeuvre, petite (in a vulgar SUV way), frugal and available in white. The fact that Range Rover, the 4 wheel drive experts, have made available a 2wd vehicle says everything about how & why this car was created.

Deep breath... "let the equality council in!"

From Brawn to Bust

As the anniversary of Brawn GP winning the 2009 Constructor's Championship passed last week there was very little mention of it in the media. Perhaps it's because Mercedes GP, who bought Brawn GP, don't want to give PR to the success of it's predecessor. A more plausible reason, however; is that Ross Brawn has come down to earth with a bang this season with his efforts for Mercedes resulting in 4th place in the final standings. Not much to shout about there. At this stage Brawn GP is thought of in sepia tinted memories, the glory story of 2009 when Ross Brawn dragged the bones of Honda onto the 2009 grid to become Champions. But since then the bespectacled one has stepped back into the giant shadow of Mercedes and has been pushing the buttons to try to make them Champions instead. Unfortunately its not working; not that anything in F1 comes easy mind, a gestation period is normal for any new team trying to make an impact. Perhaps we mention Ross so little now because Michael Schumacher has been attracting all of Mercedes' bad headlines for him. When the 7 time Champion came out of retirement we expected a swift high-five from Ross and that the proven ex-Ferrari combination would mean the champagne would soon flow once more. Alas it's been a trying season for the German but one where he has improved as the season progressed. From the nadir of Singapore Schumacher has found his way out of the naughty corner and into serious points territory. You may recall Red Bull finished off the 2009 season in similar strong form which was carried right through to this season. If that's a reliable precedent then Schumacher should make huge inroads in 2011. And if that happens you can expect to see the once familiar sight of Ross Brawn on the podium collecting the trophies. In the meantime though the feats of 2009's Brawn GP should not be forgotten. Although 2010 has been unkind to Mercedes GP a mind like Ross Brawn's will never rest on laurels.

New BMW 6 Series

Carrying on a tradition of svelte low keyed power houses is never easy but BMW seem to have done it again. Whilst the pictures might not jump out at like a Ferrari would it's the delicious details that should live in the memory. One such example is the indented line running off the front wheel arch towards the back, the exact opposite to car design from the seventies. The new 6 carries the current 3 series coupe rear end. Gone forever is that controversial "sliced" boot lid but that very feature will make it a future classic. Thankfully the rear window buttresses do remain although they're unlikely to be used on the Coupe version. Overall the coupe looks ordinary at first glance but the fact that it's brimming with the latest running gear coupled with BMW's relatively understated approach to luxury will make this a very enjoyable car to live with. Expect a mind bending M-verison some time in the future.

He Actually Won It

After a season of ups, downs and unthinkables the final stamp on this year's season fell in favour of the one everybody thought would win it when the season began. Despite failing to lead the Championship all year until crossing the line in Abu Dhabi young Vettel made it count when it mattered: at the end.

What we expected was the defining moment of a brilliant season when 4 contenders would split to reveal 1 Champion. But what we weren't really contemplating was that the Champion would be the guy who seemed to throw it away so often. So much so that we no longer could take him seriously. And yet for all the permutations and romanticism of an ageing Webber making the final glorious capture; or Alonso showing what Ferrari were made of; or of Hamilton tip toeing through the field to rhythmic glory; in the end what we ended up with was the sight of the wonder kid coolly bringing his car from start to finish to complete the job. Done.

The F1 circus will be delighted to see a new constructor set in history with the established names. And yet they will also feel downbeat because Vettel is a name we know will become synonymous with winning for perhaps 15 more years. The time for Webber was today and today will soon be yesterday, a yesterday forever remembered in F1 history books as the one that Webber did not win. As for Alonso, his time will come again but the Tifosi will fume at what could have been.

The race started spectacularly when Shumacher spun into the first chicane and ended up facing 15,000 bhp of F1 fury full on. Unfortunately Liuzzi seized the opportuniy to add to his sizeable crash record and promptly smashed into the Mercedes. Ugly memories of the death of Henry Surtees came back when the Force India seemed at first to have wedged Shumacher's helmet to the cockpit. Thankfully all was fine but then again Hakkinen's fright at the start of the Brazilian Gp a few years ago secretly prompted him to retire from the sport. As the 42 year old looks at the heir sit down at what once was his throne, is this the final straw for the Great One? Without even a solitary Podium this year perhaps he'll think the time has come.

During the resultant safety car period the Renaualts made their pit stops, a move which would ultimately lead to Alonso's demise. Alonso had seemed to play it logically when he shadowed Webber's every move knowing that if they finished near each other then Alonso would emerge as Champion. And yet in hindsight it seems so daft. When an F1 stalwart like Ferrari takes its eye off a blazing Red Bull piloted by a multiple race winner and Championship contender then its asking for trouble. And no Italian could've anticipated just how much trouble. The tactic worked in the sense that Alonso ended up beating Webber in the Championship table. However; it failed in that he got stuck behind two resilient Renaults from lap 16.

It didn't help that the junior Red Bull team were complicit in allowing its elders through and making a difficult time for Alonso & Massa. There will be conspiracists pointing to the fact that Red Bull, who are powered by Renault engines, were given a very significant advantage by the Renault factory team. On the surface every giddy scrap of logical thinking will get some limelight in a season as close as this. But Red Bull created their own luck (and I'm not referring to their Junior Team) and Vettel his. The German slowly strangled both Alsonso and Webber whilst grinning from the front of the field.

And so we have a new Champion, a new Constructor and much to ponder over the winter. In the end we were all left a little stumped that the prodigy had actually gone and won the thing. At 23. Are we meant to be this surprised? Perhaps it will all make sense as we ponder it at leisure over the winter. What a great season!

Motorspeak on Cartell

The folks at Cartell have kindly included me in their blog section. Check it out for some interesting reads!

http://www.cartell.ie/category/blog/

Hulkenberg on Pole

Frank Williams wound back the clock with a vintage Pole Position for tomorrow's Brazilian Grand Prix courtesy of the previously underwhelming Nico Hulkenberg. The German rookie made the most of a drying track to secure fastest lap twice in his last 2 runs. In his wake came the Red Bulls again showing no signs of leaving the front row for 2010. McLaren had a mixed bag with Hamilton doing well to start in 4th whilst Button will start 11th. Championship leader Alonso secured 5th on the grid to give a fighting chance. When the lights go out for tomorrow's race expect some fun from a track which more often than not produces a lively race.